NKD Blog No. 8 | I kissed a girl and I liked it.
“I kissed a girl and I liked it, the taste of her cherry chapstick”
(Excerpts from my journal from the following mornings are in quotes)
The first time I ever kissed a girl, I was 28. I’d already been with my partner Forest for 8 years, and we matched this really cool girl on tinder, while we were traveling in Thailand, just after having my birth control implant removed.
We had talked quite a bit, Forest and I, about trying a threesome and what that would look like. I have to be honest. I was super nervous. I had never even kissed a girl before and, still had never really LOOKED at my own vulva.
She was sweet, a jigsaw puzzle enthusiast. She came over with a bottle of wine and we sat and chatted all night, she originally expected us to play the night she came over, but I was still so nervous. After some wine, and a smoke, we took to the pool. The biggest pool we've all ever swam in. We chatted about transformative experiences, things we dream to excel at and dove deeper into the conversation. I asked about her past experiences since she had mentioned earlier that she had been to an orgy, and I definitely wanted to know more. I was happy that she was open to answering all my questions about her experiences with play parties, and her experience with other couples.
“I don’t know if rested sleep is what I got, but it was certainly running through my mind the whole night. I tossed and turned with exciting thoughts of finally kissing a girl, and having play time, letting myself run free with these new feelings. I feel like my dreams were saying go for it, it's time. You might be nervous, but who wouldn't be.”
She made me feel so comfortable, and she opened the door for conversation, in a very sweet and loving way. She made clear her intentions, and was happy to take it slow. I liked her and felt like she was a great first experience for a threesome.
“Of course the rest of the morning it was impossible to focus on ANYTHING work related so I'm calling for a mental health day. We smoked the little preroll that she left for us, but I still couldn't get rid of this pent up nervous energy, After a shower, Forest went down on me and released some of that tension. He made me feel more calm and comfortable knowing that we were really doing this together, and that this wasn't anything to be afraid of. No Fear.”
We did take it slow…
“We discussed how this was a step I was finally ready to take like stepping through a doorway to the person I wanted to be. It wasn't just a check mark on a list of accomplishments. Like, Oh we did a threesome together one time. No, this was a barrier I was ready to breakdown and step into my true self. How can I feel love for everyone else if I'm not comfortable loving myself and who I am.”
We sat on the bed together the next afternoon and talked about boundaries, and laid everything out on the table. She suggested that he and I kiss, then she and I kissed. This was the one thing I had always wanted to check off. I could no longer use this as my secret weapon in a game of "never have I ever". And I couldn't be more happy about that.
She asked how it was, and if I wanted to continue further. Then she kissed him. Each step of the way, we checked in with each other, all three of us. I never felt out of place or out of control.
“Feeling like a new human being this morning. Yesterday was amazing. It's pretty hard to put into words what I'm feeling. It's so unexpected. Yesterday was exciting, nervous, but so comfortable, and hot as hell. She said she felt so much gratitude being our first, and coming into our relationship. It was special for her as well to be allowed in. We all connected on so many levels, if she wasn't over to play with us, we could have just talked all night again.”
She told us that she was heading home to Denver the next day and her friends had planned an orgy for her birthday. She was one of the first women to have introduced me to a different kind of lifestyle. She even introduced us to the New Society for Wellness, an inclusive sex club based in NYC, which actually became a big influence in my life and work. We even visited the sex club a month after that, but that’s a story for another time.
I remember feeling so powerful and free the next morning. “It was a beautiful feeling especially since my previous understanding of threesomes came from porn geared towards men. Unless you seek out other kinds of threesome videos and amateur videos, the scope on threesomes is pretty limited. But after trying one, (and obviously this is just the first) it was way more fair and all around inclusive than just pleasuring the guy.”
